HIDDEN FIGURES AND SECRET LOVES

Running on faith. I love this song by Jerry Lynn Williams, sung by Eric Clapton. And it got me thinking…

Lately I’ve been running on faith

What else can a poor boy do?

But my world will be right

When love comes over you.

Lately I’ve been talking in my sleep

I can’t imagine what I’d have to say

Except my world will be right

When love comes back your way.

I’ve always been

One to take each and every day

Seems like by now

I’d find a love who cares just for me.

Then we’d go running on faith

All of our dreams would come true

And our world will be right

When love comes over me and you*

My latest observations of the human-animal have led me to some conclusions….

What we do for love is vast and epic. And not always right.

So much of life hinges on appearances and worries about what others will think, about situations we get ourselves into where we have to hide our love and affection for one another.

Love in secret or love now given and later taken away. What’s public, what’s private, and who decides? Especially when we bring in social and cyber etiquette and integrity regarding relationships into the mix. Which affects us deeply whether we think it does or not. We watch, consume and act on what we see in the ether and tell ourselves stories based on likes, posts, and photos of what may or may not be reality. Even when we actually talk to each other we are on most occasions full of fear and afraid.

We fall in love so very easily, but we are also so guarded, often trapped in situations that guarantee someone will inevitably be hurt.

I love the quote, “hearts are wild creatures; that’s why ribs are cages.” So much truth here.

Real honesty is often easy to ask for and hard to deliver, especially when it comes to love. I’m not talking about straight-up lying and being nefarious — I’m talking about sharing the truth that’s in our hearts. About asking for what you need and sharing feelings, primarily when they concern the actions and many expectations we have for one another.

The only real control we have is control of ourselves. And we must love people for who they are (including their flaws) because we crave that same love.

However, there is always room for improvement in ourselves and how we show up in the world. And who better to tell you you need to do better, or that you fucked up, or to point out a need to let something you’ve been carrying around for ages go than the person you are most intimate with (or a dear friend or family member)? I believe this is why we find people who can help make us better, to help traverse life’s ever-changing landscape.

Cultivating deep, long friendships and relationships is our real mission on this planet. We are all part of the greater One, meaning what we do and the energy we send out not only affects but creates our global consciousness.

The world is full of takers, so yes being careful is smart. Narcissists and sociopaths will try to bleed you dry, but for the most part, people are good. But they can be messy and busy dealing with (or avoiding) massive hurts from their past. That baggage can be enormous and not of our own choosing. But what we do have is the choice of how to deal with that trauma. And who needs another project to tackle that is not our own? It is up to each of us to do the work, do the thing to heal ourselves. White knights, saviors, and unicorns are not really real (sorry but it is true).

The first, best course of action is to truly, madly, deeply love yourself (and yes I know that can be hard). We make excuses, let things slide, and don’t give ourselves the respect we deserve. And we don’t always treat ourselves with even the kindness we show strangers. Like the cobbler’s kids going barefoot….

Love and relationships are hard no matter what. Full of bliss and baggage.

I often wonder what if — Where would we be today if each of us truly loves ourselves and is able to ask for what we need, hearing the needs of others with deep listening, practicing honesty and vulnerability and possibly choosing to change ourselves so that we grow in our relationships? The asking of why on these subjects is something I believe deserves a deep think.

I believe that every day is a gift — the gift of time and energy, given to each other.

We need to demand better from ourselves and each other. We need the freedom and security to be able to ask for what we need as well as shout our love for each other (and humanity) from the rooftops in our best barbaric Walt Whitman YAWP! And to call out crap behavior without fear of reproach and to know that something or someone better for us is most likely is around the corner. When we block our love conduits with an old story the next electric moment may simply pass us by.

Never dim your light for another, never shrink and allow yourself to be hidden, never take a lesser role when you are giving 100% of yourself. Strive for equality and balance.

Love itself is worth fighting for, but there are times to face facts and move on.

I’ve been working on this issue for myself. And, I hate seeing people hurt each other, especially when they don’t mean to do so, but do anyway.

We owe it to ourselves and each other to love fiercely and be loved in return, refusing to settle for less. Along the way is where we find the real meaning of that word “happy.” Hidden figures and secret loves can be titillating and are in certain times a necessary evil but they also most of the time bring hurt, rejection, and fear. Fear dashes more dreams than failure ever does. Fail often, fail fast and thrive on the lessons learned. We all deserve to grow and to be loved openly.

With hope and running on faith.

*Running on Faith lyrics, by Jerry Lynn Williams, Released by Eric Clapton, Journeyman Album, 1989.